{"id":2192,"date":"2016-09-24T13:05:07","date_gmt":"2016-09-24T18:05:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lostpineslife.com\/?p=2192"},"modified":"2016-10-19T22:09:36","modified_gmt":"2016-10-20T03:09:36","slug":"shredding-and-other-accomplishments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lostpineslife.com\/?p=2192","title":{"rendered":"Shredding and Other Accomplishments"},"content":{"rendered":"

Shredding<\/h2>\n

My hands still tingle from clutching the steering wheel.\u00a0 I\u2019m itchy, dusty, sweaty, and smiling.\u00a0 I just shut down the shiny orange tractor and surveyed my work, and I feel proud.<\/p>\n

\"img_2388\"<\/p>\n

Tractors are loud, powerful and a little bit dangerous.\u00a0 I just spent an hour on our Kioti<\/a>, shredding over fields and driveways, listening to the roar, feeling the bumps, and loving the rush of power and accomplishment this simple task brings.\u00a0 Why is driving a tractor such a big deal to me?\u00a0 Because it tells me that I have overcome fears and limitations that I have lived with all my life.<\/p>\n

\"img_2387\"<\/p>\n

What Limitations?<\/h2>\n

Cultural.<\/strong>\u00a0 I grew up in East Texas in the 60\u2019s and 70\u2019s.\u00a0 I observed that women\u2019s power lay not as much in their own strength and ability as in the skill \u00a0of enlisting the care and attention of men.\u00a0 Remember Scarlett O\u2019Hara?\u00a0 I read Gone with the Wind<\/em> the summer I was 10, and the lessons weren\u2019t lost on me.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t quite imagine what this looked looked like for my generation, try to get your hands on a copy of The Fascinating<\/em> Girl<\/em> or Fascinating Womanhood<\/em> by Helen Berry Andelin.<\/p>\n

Familial.<\/strong>\u00a0 The gender roles in my family were well defined.\u00a0 Overt power was vested in the men.\u00a0 My father and brother hunted and travelled, drove fast, and earned money.\u00a0 They had knives and guns, boats and jeeps.\u00a0 The men would disappear for a week or more and come back unshaven, with a bounty of deer, dove or trophy sailfish.\u00a0 When they were gone Mom and I locked the doors, ate cereal and Colonel Sanders\u2019, and took slow evening drives to see what was blooming in our neighbors\u2019 yards.\u00a0 I loved those days with my Mom, but I acquired the sense that big machines and wild nature belonged in the masculine world.<\/p>\n

Personal.<\/strong>\u00a0 I was always fearful.\u00a0 The story is that I was proud of jumping off the Sear\u2019s catalog at age 2 ( about 3 inches).\u00a0 Reportedly, I worked up to that brave act for weeks.\u00a0 It may have been another year before I jumped off the bottom step, and another year before I climbed the whole flight upright instead of scooting backwards on my ruffled butt one stair at a time.\u00a0 One of my earliest memories is clutching the stair rail above me, and slowly ascending on my own two feet.\u00a0 I approached the top third of the stairs with great pride, only to be scooped up by a male friend of my sister\u2019s and carried kicking and screaming the rest of the way.\u00a0 He only meant to help, but I was crushed.<\/p>\n

\"img_1166\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Back to the present<\/h2>\n

At this point in my life, I can confidently say that I am a strong woman. \u00a0The past and its lessons are a living part of me, but I operate from a different understanding of what it means to be a woman. Fearfulness is still there, but I know better when to listen to it and when to push through to accomplish my goals. \u00a0 Embracing my own personal power, has allowed me to do more significant\u00a0things than\u00a0shredding a field, such as \u00a0rearing three amazing children and building a successful career. And one thing I learned from the same culture that taught women to disown some of their strength is how to live through loss and adversity and thrive. \u00a0(Thanks, Mom and Sis.)<\/p>\n

Still, operating that tractor this morning with a little bit of fear and a \u00a0whole lot of gratification gave me the same kind of joyful satisfaction that I must have felt the day I finally arrived at the second floor all by myself.<\/p>\n

\"img_2390\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Shredding My hands still tingle from clutching the steering wheel.\u00a0 I\u2019m itchy, dusty, sweaty, and smiling.\u00a0 I just shut down the shiny orange tractor and surveyed my work, and I feel proud. 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